Taking Sides

An Open Letter to My Children and Their Spouses:

Taking Sides

It has been expressed to Mom, either verbally or by your actions that you do not want to take sides, regarding our current separation.  I am writing this letter to tell you that you really do need to take sides. You need to take Mom’s side.

Mom is Guiltless

Mom has done nothing wrong; she has not broken any covenants or committed any sins.  She is guiltless.  She is doing what she feels is necessary to maintain her sanity.  I completely support her actions and have no ill feelings towards her.

I am Guilty

I, however, am guilty.  I have broken covenants, committed sin, and have need to repent.

My Addiction

Yes, I have an addiction. My addiction explains many things about me, how my mind works regarding my thoughts, my emotions (or lack thereof), and my actions.  But having an addiction is not an excuse.  I would not have an addiction if it were not for sinful choices I made in the past.  I am and will be accountable for those choices.

My Need for Support

I am receiving a lot of support, both from priesthood leaders, and those involved in the 12 Step Program.  I see and communicate with many of them at least weekly.  It is a great blessing in my life.  Plus I know that I am in your prayers and that my name appears often on the prayer rolls of the temple.

Mom’s Need for Support

Mom’s support is almost non-existent.  When she speaks to priesthood leaders, it is usually in the context of helping and supporting “her husband.”  It has little to do with her needs, either spiritual or emotional.  She has tried attending the 12 Step meeting for spouses, but it was not helpful.  She too needs a support group—each of you.  She needs your prayers and you putting her name on the prayer roll of the temple. She needs phone calls and visits. She needs you to take her side and let her know it. 

Your support of Mom is not in any way disrespectful to me.  It is what she needs and what I wish her to have. She cannot have too much love and support.

Love, Dad


Mike Perry said...


Anonymous said...

Reading this humble and loving letter...I am also a Mom. I have lost so much in his "recovery"...I am his adversary for boundaries enforced to keep myself safe and sane. My recovery is Jesus. Thank you for sharing this letter.