In a meeting with my bishop last week, he stated that he had seen a change in me. He asked me what was different this time, as opposed to previous times when I had tried to repent.
Here are some of the things that came to my mind:
This is an Addiction:
I finally realized what I had never understood before. I have
an addiction. It is not just a “bad habit.” I now recognize
that I was, and am, powerless over this addiction. Also based on study, I
now
better understand how addictions affect the brain, our thought
processes, feelings
and emotions. And just that knowledge has helped.
I Need to Surrender:
To overcome this addiction I need to surrender my will to that of my
Savior.
Only He can fight this battle for me. If I try to fight it by myself I
will
always loose.
Dailies are Called Dailies
for a Reason: I now have things I do every
day. When I wake up in the morning I roll out of bed onto my
knees. I thank
Heavenly Father for a good night’s sleep and then ask to have His
spirit to be
with me as I study the scriptures. I then grab my smart phone and a
hard copy
of Preach My Gospel and climb back
into bed. I then look up scriptures
referenced in Preach My Gospel using the Gospel Library App on my smart phone.
Often I
will highlight those scriptures if I have not already done
so. After spending half an hour in the
scriptures, I get down on my knees at the foot of my bed and have a
real
prayer.
My Prayers are Totally Different: My prayers are
totally different now. I used to just
pray using “lists.” I had a mental list for things I was thankful for,
a list
of people to bless, a list of things I wanted help with, etc. I now try
to tell
Heavenly Father what I am feeling, the challenges I face; my hopes and
my
dreams. I still try to fit in items from my “lists,” but they come
second to my
“conversation” with the Lord. I also
pray out loud. That has been a real but positive change for me.
I Attend 12 Step
Meetings: For the last almost 14 months I have been attending
at a 12 Step
meeting each Wednesday. These meetings have had a huge
influence on helping me to change. I have real heroes in
those
meetings! I feel the Spirit when I’m there! To me the Spirit I feel
there is
second only to the Spirit I feel in the temple. To emphasize the
importance of
those meetings in my life, I have only missed three Wednesday night
meetings
since I began. As soon as Sunday is
over, I look forward to Wednesday night.
Many of the changes I have made in my life are a direct result
of comments and suggestions from my heroes in these
meetings. And recently I started attending a couple of additional 12
Step
meetings a week.
I Attend the Temple Weekly:
I have a short term goal to attend the temple weekly. It has
been a source
of comfort and inspiration. I also make it a point to put names on the
prayer
roll each time I attend. Some of those names are family members and
others are
names of guys I know from the 12 Step Program. Even if I don’t know
their last
names, Heavenly Father knows who they are.
I Have a Support Person:
I now have a real support person. I say
real, because for several months I used a therapist as a support person. But
that’s
not an ideal arrangement. I try to report in to my support person daily and
meet with
him in person once a week. And I know if I needed him he would be
there. I
would never consider calling a therapist daily. Plus my therapist has
never
been addicted. That makes a big difference. My support person is also one of
my heroes
and I want to follow his example.
The 12 Steps Work: I
found out that if I really try to work the 12 Steps that they will work
for me.
I haven’t gotten to Step 12 yet, but I am trying to be thorough in
working on each
step. I think I need to go back to steps 1, 2, and 3 often to remind
myself
that I cannot do this by myself. And I
know that even when I get to Step 12 I will still need to work on all
the
steps.
I Recognize Tender Mercies: Over the last couple of months I have become acutely aware of the many tender mercies that are constantly happening in my life. I think just the fact that I can now recognize them and give credit where credit is due—to the Lord, has been a positive influence helping me change.
I Recognize Tender Mercies: Over the last couple of months I have become acutely aware of the many tender mercies that are constantly happening in my life. I think just the fact that I can now recognize them and give credit where credit is due—to the Lord, has been a positive influence helping me change.
I Am Beginning to Recognize My Character Weaknesses: This part is scary. I know I have lots of character weaknesses. And I am just starting to recognize them. I wish I didn't have so many and they are so well developed. I have been perfecting them my whole life. Here are just a few:
Arrogant
Controlling
Critical
Dishonest
Envious
Fixated
Hedonistic
Hypocritical
Impatient |
Intolerant
Judgmental
Lazy
Lustful
Manipulative
Obsessive
Overconfident
Overzealous
Passive/Aggressive |
Prideful
Sarcastic
Self-Centered
Selfish
Self-pitying
Self-righteous
Sloppy |
.
The following are
links to related posts on these same subjects:
- Addiction:
The Science of Pornography Addiction
Throwing Marbles at a Battleship
Am I Addicted? - Surrender:
Healing = Courage + Action + Grace
The Continuous Atonement - Dailies
Regular Maintenance
Early Morning Scripture Study - Prayers
How My Prayers Have Changed
Don't Let Your Prayers Get in the Way * - 12 Step Meeting &
Brotherhood
We Desperately Need Each Other
Fighting Lust with Intimacy *
Recovery Is Like A Jigsaw Puzzle
The Importance of a Text Message
Friendship among Brothers - Character Weaknesses
Step 6 and The Iceberg
Finally Completing Step 6 - Tender Mercies
Multiple Posts
2 comments:
Awesome!! I love what you wrote about allowing the Savior to fight your battles for you. I can't get enough of that concept. It's truly liberating and fills me with hope. Glad to hear you're receiving recovery!
Wow--awesome work on those links. I'm familiar with a few, but I'm going to have to spend some time to look through all of them.
I agree with your statement about the spirit in recovery meetings. This week when I got out of the meeting I felt such love and excitement that I would have described it as a holy/spiritual experience.
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