According to a respected therapist, there are three ingredients needed for sustained recovery:
Spiritual Connection represents a connection with our Father in Heaven, Jesus Christ our Savior, prayer, the scriptures, the ordinances of the gospel, and the atonement.
Social Connection is connection with others who will accept us and support us, including our family, church leaders, and other members of the addiction recovery community who love us, understand us, and do not judge us. These are people we can reach out to for positive examples and support. We also need others to be accountable to. If we are only accountable to ourselves, we will fail.
Personal Boundaries are those boundaries that come from within us. They are based on our own decisions to avoid certain actions and stimuli that might trigger our reptilian brain. They might include sites we will not visit, apps we will not use, places we will not go, movies we will not view, magazines and books we will not read, music we will not listen to, and games we will not play. But they must be decisions we voluntarily make for ourselves.
All three ingredients are needed if we want long term recovery. If any one of them is missing recovery cannot be sustained.
If we have Social Connection and Personal Boundaries without a Spiritual Connection there will be no incentive to maintain the boundaries. Our Spiritual Connection gives us our strongest motivation to continue on our path and maintain our boundaries. Our Spiritual Connection keeps us focused on the atonement of Jesus Christ and our desire to please Him.
If we have Spiritual Connection like prayer, reading the scriptures, and attending church plus Social Connection with friends and fellow addicts in recovery but have no Personal Boundaries, there will be nothing to keep us from making bad choices. And those bad choices will ultimately lead to continued relapse.
If we have Spiritual Connection and Personal Boundaries but keep to ourselves and isolate, we will also fail because we all need Social Connection -- a support system of friends to reach out to, to support us, and provide positive examples in our lives and to be accountable to.
So let’s each examine our own life. How are we doing in each of those three areas? Is there one or more of those areas that you need to strengthen?
If you relapsed recently, which of those three areas need to be strengthened?
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I want to add this great comment I just received:
To me, the social connection goes beyond my leaders and recovery support group though, and is more about connecting with others in general. I especially enjoy the opportunities to connect through church attendance and ward activities, and to feel part of a community that I love.
I've also been thinking about boundaries a lot lately. I think it's important to have your boundaries written down, and to review them weekly. I'm interested in what others do for boundaries. I've heard of not using computer after 6pm, only using computer when others are in the room, no having your phone in the bedroom or bathroom, etc. I heard one guy at a recovery meeting that wouldn't stay at a hotel unless they agreed to remove his TV from his room before his arrival. I think boundaries need to be personal to your specific temptations, designed to keep you as far from the cliff as practical.
1 comment:
Great thoughts!
To me, the social connection goes beyond my leaders and recovery support group though, and is more about connecting with others in general. I especially enjoy the opportunities to connect through church attendance and ward activities, and to feel part of a community that I love.
I've also been thinking about boundaries a lot lately. I think it's important to have your boundaries written down, and to review them weekly. I'm interested in what others do for boundaries. I've heard of not using computer after 6pm, only using computer when others are in the room, no having your phone in the bedroom or bathroom, etc. I heard one guy at a recovery meeting that wouldn't stay at a hotel unless they agreed to remove his TV from his room before his arrival. I think boundaries need to be personal to your specific temptations, designed to keep you as far from the cliff as practical.
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