My Savior's Love, My Broken Brain, My Tender Mercies

Let me touch on three separate subjects and then tie the all three subjects together.
First: My Savior’s Love
I have been asking in my prayers, for months, to be able to feel the Savior’s love. I especially want to feel His love so I can express that same love towards those around me—especially the ones I care about the most. But so far I that prayer hasn't been answered in the way I wanted. I haven’t actually felt anything.

Second: My Broken Brain

Based on everything that I have read, I have come to an understanding that addictions actually cause physical changes in the brain. And those changes have a numbing effect on our thought processes and our emotions.  In one of the articles I read a wife stated that it was as if her husband didn't love her. The therapist listening to her said, “You are correct, you husband, due to his addiction, is currently incapable of feeling or expressing love.”

I also understand, based on my study, that the brain can heal itself once the addiction has stopped—but it takes time.

Third: My Tender Mercies
I have been blessed with many tender mercies, especially recently. They seem to be happening all the time. When I attend my group each week, they now expect me to share about the "tender mercies" I have received that week.
The Connection between the Three Topics
There really is a connection between all three of the above topics.

It finally occurred to me that because my brain is currently broken, it will take some time for it to repair itself. And until it is repaired I will be unable to feel my Savior’s love, nor anyone else’s love. My brain is still numb to those types of feelings.

In the meantime, the Lord is giving me these tender mercies to tell me in other ways that he really loves me, even if I'm temporarily unable to feel that love. 

I now understand that the message behind each of these tender mercies has always been and still is:  “I know you and I love you!”

I will keep praying to some day feel His love. I have hope that eventually I will, and then be able to express that same love to those I care about.

1 comment:

Missionary Mama said...

I really like this post. I relate to it and learned from it. Thanks for sharing.