"I Really Need a Hug!"

In mid-December I started spiraling downward and hit bottom on January 1st. I was having a hard time controlling my thoughts and my emotions. I knew things in my life had to change, but what?

Finally last week the Lord said to me in essence, "Have I humbled you enough to accept correction." Yes, I think so.  So starting last Thursday He started to illuminate some of my character weaknesses.

I knew I had certain character traits that needed to change, but until last week I didn't understand or want to understand how bad they were and how difficult it would be to change them.

Because of how I had trained my mind to think, things that would have little or no impact on other people had a huge impact on my moods, thoughts, and emotions.

So each day last week the Lord provided me with a little more understanding as to how these traits had been negatively affecting my life.

Thoughts like these would come into my mind:
  • "Remember this negative event?"           Yes    "Well this is why that happened." 
  • "Remember the pain you felt when...?"   Yes    "Well this is what caused it."
  • "Remember when ___ said ___?"           Yes    "Well here is why ___ said that."
All of these thoughts and ideas centered around pride and how I had tried to build myself up using an artificial measure of my self-worth.

I don't want to be any more specific, but it boils down to the reality that I need to make Christ the center of my life.  My heart has a hole in and only Christ can fill that hole!

Anyway, the Lord began to enlighten my mind and cause me to reevaluate how I had been viewing the world and my relationship with others.

As a result, by this last Monday, I was feeling kind of beat up. Don't get me wrong; I was grateful for the new understanding I was gaining about myself, but at the same time, I was feeling really needy and alone.

So Monday evening, at one point, I put my head down on the dining room table and offered a prayer to my Heavenly Father. In essence I said, "I am feeling so very alone--I need a tender mercy.  I want a hug!  I really need a hug!!!"

I actually did say that...

Shortly after saying the prayer, out of the blue, I received a comforting text message from someone in my Wednesday group. There was my "tender mercy!"  That was my hug!  I began to cry like a baby.  I couldn't help myself. My heavenly father was answering my prayer through a friend.  

Then a few minutes later I received another text message from a friend in California.  Now I was really a basket case!

You see, in the past, many of my tender mercies have come in clusters of 2 or 3. So if I didn't get the message the first time, I would certainly get the message the second or third time.  Well here was a group of two tender mercies.  It was not a coincidence. Once again my Heavenly Father was saying to me: "I know you and I love you!"

I am so very grateful that I have a Heavenly Father who answers prayers!!!  My heart is full!!!


Alex said...

I loved this story! I love that you can recognize those tender mercies in your life! You are an inspiration to me my friend.

Anonymous said...

Such a powerful example of our father's love!